He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
