Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
