i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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