I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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