He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I would ride that face into the sunset
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
