apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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