I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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