I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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