I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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