Screwed.edu
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
