chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
