I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
