Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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