turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
