I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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