GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
