Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
