HIV tests are more positive than that guy
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
