I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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