I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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