This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
