He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
