So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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