I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Couch. On fire.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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