Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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