when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
be right there i have to get my cape
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
