guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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