she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
