you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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