i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
