Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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