I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
