So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
