That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
