I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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