Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
this is an emotional support booty call
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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