walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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