Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
And then he peed in my hair
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