You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
