I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
