Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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