I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
