My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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