I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
