Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
