so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
