So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm getting married
To pizza
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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