I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
