whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
