im about as happy as oj after his trial
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
