If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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