'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
