Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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