I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
