Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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