Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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