who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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