Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
